How to be obnoxious on a plane

Continuing my ranting from my vacation:

  1. Recline your seat while you are at the airport and then feign innocence when the air hostess comes to tell you about it
  2. Recline your seat even though you are not going to sleep - the British guy behind you appreciates the lack of space
  3. Bounce on your reclined seat at every opportunity ensuring the tray table of the guy behind you never stays still.
  4. Make sure you ignore the seatbelt sign when there is turbulence so bad that the air hostesses are also sitting down. We all look forward to the plane dropping 100 feet and you flying out of your seat and landing on us.
  5. Even worse - dont bother to strap your kids in during turbulence and landing - we really appreciate their cuteness and quietness on the flight but do you have any clue how far a 2 year old would fly if something happened?
  6. If your ass is bigger than a coach seat then make sure you don't get a first class seat - the person sitting next you you loves choosing between the following options:
    • Spending 6 hours rubbing against your sweaty arms and thighs
    • Sitting at an angle to avoid the aforementioned body parts and getting a cramp
    • Snuggling up to their boyfriend the whole way back with the arm rest up to create more space (oh wait this one isn't too bad!)
  7. If you get up to open the overhead bins then dont bother closing it - maybe something will fall on your head and you will get a settlement.
  8. Make sure you take your 'barely legal' wheely hand luggage and puff out all the pockets so that it doesn't actually fit in the bins like it should. The rest of us will happily check our expensive computers so that you don't have to wait a few minutes for checked bags
  9. The second 'personal item' is supposed to be for a purse or a laptop - NOT a backpack as big as your other hand luggage.
  10. Even though you are obviously a seasoned traveller who has seen wheely luggage be arranged 50 times makes sure you put YOUR luggage into the bins sideways or with the wheels first so that it takes up as much space as possible.
  11. Undoing your seatbelt as soon as the plane lands and before the light goes of will NOT save you a single second of time. I know you think you are rebelling against some communist airline rules but really people you dont get points for being the first to undo your belt.

Oh an a bonus Seaworld "that rule doesn't apply to me" from 'J'

  1. Even though every single napkin at seaworld says 'do not feed the wild birds' you should go right ahead and feed them anyway. When a seagull comes and steals your husbands sandwich later the couple at the table next to you will have a damn good laugh.
Published 30 January 2008 03:40 PM by zman
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